Lessons
by Yuri Ameno
Summary: It started with mission specs. It led to something totally different. Maybe you'll see what Keiko saw when she heard 'Hiei' and 'dance' in the same sentence.
1. Chapter 1

**AN:** Okay, first off, this story was entirely inspired by the first line of "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)" by My Chemical Romance, where the "voice" says "You can't, swim, you can't dance, and you don't know karate." It was a brief impulse that ended up evolving into this humorous ficlet.

* * *

"Teaching Hiei"

Keiko stared at him in shock, brandy eyes wide. She was so completely stunned that she couldn't even form words. Kurama was starting to get worried. She'd been staring at him like that since he'd told her. She'd never stood so still for so long before. "Keiko? Keiko, are you all right?"

She blinked and shifted her gaze to Yuusuke and Kuwabara, standing behind the reformed spirit fox, whispering together oddly. "You're...serious?"

"As serious as death," Kurama nodded reluctantly. "It was Koenma's orders, the newest mission. We have to do it, or Hiei's going to jail."

"But...but I don't...I can't..."

"We won't let him hurt you, Keiko," Kurama said soothingly.

"It's not that I'm afraid of him anymore," she replied. "I know he won't hurt me. It's just that...well...I can't...I don't know how to..."

"You don't?" interrupted Yuusuke incredulously. "Really? I thought all girls knew how!"

"Yukina doesn't either, and Shizuru sucks at it," the brunette retorted tartly, propping her hands on her hips. "Even Botan makes me dizzy when she does. It's not just me. Lots of girls are as clueless as most boys and some boys are better at it than most girls." She shrugged delicately, the bridge of her nose pink from embarrassment. "It's not a big deal, normally. But I can't do what you're asking me. Even if I did know how, I still wouldn't do it."

"Why not?" Kuwabara asked.

Keiko grinned, making her eyes twinkle. "Because the very thought of teaching Hiei how to dance makes me want to laugh hysterically," she replied matter-of-factly.

* * *

"Absolutely not." He didn't raise his voice. He didn't sound angry. But it was all Koenma could do to retain the appearance of impassivity. He knew that Hiei needed only the slightest provocation to lop off his head with that damned katana. Not that he would _die_, necessarily, but it hurt and it was so inconvenient to have to heal his own head back on. He sighed, still feigning boredom.

"You have two choices, Hiei, as I'm sure you're aware. You can either go to prison for the next two centuries, or you can learn to dance." He waited. The little fire-aparition continued to glare at him furiously. "You possess no social graces, Hiei. You would endager any undercover mission sent anywhere, and the others work best as a team when you are present."

"Hn." At least he wasn't leaping across the room to tear out his throat. Koenma was thankful for small blessings.

"Look, Hiei, this isn't a request," he finally said, standing up on his chair. "This is an order. Need I remind you that you are still on parole?"

Before the diminutive leader of Reikai could continue, the doors to the office burst open and Yuusuke barged in, trailed by Kuwabara and Kurama, both of whom looked extremely put out about something. "We've got a problem, toddler," Yuusuke shouted. "Your brilliant plan has backfired...again!"

"How so?" Koenma asked calmly, convinced Yuusuke was merely overreacting. As usual.

"Keiko doesn't know how to dance. Shizuru doesn't know how to dance. Yukina and Botan don't know how to dance. We've just exhausted our supply of girls to ask. That's how so!"

Hiei bit back a smirk and rolled his crimson eyes. "I guess it's a moot point now, isn't it, Koenma-_sama_," he sneered, spitting out the honorific as an insult.

Again, before Koenma could speak, the team of detectives ducked just as Botan zoomed in on her oar. "I've got it!" she exclaimed. Keiko, dizzy, slipped off the end, looking sick.

"Remind me never to accept a lift from her again," she said to Yuusuke before sitting on the floor and burying her face in her knees.

"I've got it!" Botan shouted, louder. "Keiko told me about it...reminded me about it! There's a girl at Sara Yashiki who knows how to dance _and_ knows how to teach people how to dance! She teaches classes at a youth center. She'd be perfect!"

"If we can manage to keep hidden the fact that Hiei is a demon," Kurama pointed out calmly, almost enjoying the look of frustrated outrage on the little Jaganshi's face. "I suppose I could be talked into joining the class as well..." Now they were all looking at him stragely. "I know how to dance a little. It would be good to brush up my skills. It would also serve to have someone around to help control his temper. I understand that we all need this to some degree for our newest mission?" Koenma nodded. Now Yuusuke and Kuwabara looked properly horrified.

"Good. Settled," Keiko muttered, climbing back on the oar. "Can we go slower this time? I don't want to end up puking all over her when we ask her about lessons."

"Of course," Botan said as she zoomed back out of the office at top speed. Keiko could only hold on and hope she didn't fall off.

There was silence in the office after the two women had departed. "You know, when Keiko said the thought of it made her laugh, I agreed. Now I think about it and I feel kind of sick. What if this girl makes me wear a tutu?"

"Aw, you would look so adorable!" Koenma declared in a high falsetto. His voice dropped back to normal. "Quit whining Yuusuke and deal with it. It's mandatory."

"Mandatory, mandatory...everything's mandatory with you," the youth grumbled. His eyes sparkled dangerously. "If I have to wear a frilly costume, I'm gonna come back and kill you, who cares what it does to Reikai, who cares what your father does to me. It'll be worth it."

"Calm down, Yuusuke," Kurama said with a smile. "We're just learning how to dance. What could possibly happen?"

* * *

**AN: **Famous last words. I _will _be making this a chapter fic soon, promise. Owari! 


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:** Konnichiwa! At least, I hope it's daytime wherever you are. As promised, a chapter fic already. Hope you laughed. Hope you got the same mental image I did (and Keiko!) when you read 'teach Hiei to dance.'

* * *

"Dance Class"

The sun was shining bright and beautiful outside the ground-floor studio in a quiet corner of the Tokyo suburb. Inside, the curtains were all thrown aside and the windows were cracked open. Soft music played from a stereo system on one wall. The polished wood floor gleamed, freshly swept. Mirrors lining one wall made the room seem bigger and brighter than it was, something which its sole occupant wasn't really paying attention to as she stared at nothing, the phone cord wrapping around her finger.

"I'm sorry, what? Keiko-chan, slow down! You want me to teach a class for you? When? No, I mean what days? I already have afternoon classes on Monday and Friday." She listened to her friend's proposal with more than a little surprise. "You want me to teach your friends how to dance?" She listened some more. "Four guys and four girls? What kind of dancing? Oh, every kind. I think I can handle that. You don't have a time-frame, do you? Oh. Oh, I see. Okay. Well, in that case...no, I think that's perfectly fair. Of course. You can have all my free afternoons, if you want them. But I do have exams to study for." She blinked. "No! Shuichi Minamino? Okay. Well, with that offer, how can I refuse you? Okay. I'm free for the rest of the weekend if you want to start immediately. All right, Keiko-chan. I'll see you in an hour."

She hung up the phone and shook her head. Really, she shouldn't be taking on such a demanding dance class with university entrance exams coming up. But Keiko's offer was more than generous, almost exorbient. It would go a long way to paying for school. And the added offer of study sessions with Shuichi Minamino? Okay, yes was the only logical answer. Now that she'd hung up, however...she was starting to wonder what was wrong with them. Why had Keiko sounded so desperate?

Shrugging, she returned to her music, and the dance she was supposed to be choreographing for her Monday class. She only had an hour in which to totally concentrate before she discovered what was, indeed, wrong with them.

* * *

"No, Hiei, you'll have to leave your katana in Reikai," Kurama patiently explained. "She's a simple human girl, and chopping her to bits is only going to get you thrown in prison. Besides, it's just a dance lesson. Nothing's going to happen."

"Why do you say that?" demanded Kuwabara. "Why does someone _always_ say that? Whenever someone says that, something always happens!"

"I hate to admit it, but I agree with the baka," Hiei grunted. "With our luck, some low-class demon will sense our collective youki and come after us while we're with this oban(1)." Hiei quickly ducked back from the fury in Keiko's glare.

"She is _not_ an oban!" she screeched furiously. "She's my _friend_!"

"Hn," the diminutive hi-youkai replied, feigning indifference. Keiko could frighten him when she was righteously furious, same as anyone else; he just hid it better.

"Hiei, so help me, if you screw this up...!" Yuusuke growled, putting an arm around Keiko's shoulders and leading her away, still fuming. Botan, grinning, fell into step behind them. Hiei growled when Yukina slipped her small hand into Kuwabara's larger one and tugged him after them. Shizuru grinned, lighting up a cigarette and following. Kurama motioned with his head and the two youkai fell into step at the end of the group.

"So, where are we going, Keiko-chan?" asked Botan cheerfully. Not that the Grim Reaper was anything but cheerful. She grinned as she walked, messy blue ponytail blowing in the wind.

"She said to come to her studio. That isn't at the youth center. She only teaches special classes at her house. Oh, and Kurama?" Keiko said sweetly. The redhead's stomach sank. No one could refuse Keiko when she turned sweet. He had a bad feeling about this.

"Hai?"

"She's doing us an awfully big favor, taking us on like this. Since you're studying for uni exams and she's studying for uni exams...I kind of told her that you'd be helping her out a bit." He kept waiting for the catch. It never came, so he had to ask.

"And?"

"And...that's it. I thought, since you're Kurama, and have so many years of knowledge, that it shouldn't hurt you too much to help her out. I mean, it's not like you aren't already studying for the same exams anyway." She was using that reasonable tone, damn her! The tone that said 'how can you fault my logic?' He sighed and nodded.

"Brilliant idea, Keiko-san," he replied. "I could use a study partner." She grinned and nodded, knowing that he'd agree.

* * *

She blinked silently, staring. She knew she was staring, knew it was bad manners, and knew that right then, she didn't care. Standing in her ground-floor studio were only the two biggest punks at Sara Yashiki, the smartest girl at same, the most brilliant mind of their generation, two blue-haired young women, a brunette that looked bored, and a decidedly dangerous-looking younger boy. She blinked again and tuned into Keiko's introductions.

When they were done and she had politely greeted her guests- she hesitated to call the students since most of them were her own age- she grabbed Keiko's arm and dragged her over by the stereo. "Keiko-chan, _these_ are the people you want me to teach?"

"And me, of course," the brunette responded brightly.

"Keiko-chan, that little one, he's been glaring at me since he walked in."

"Hiei...Hiei's a little...um, tense, that's all. He's never tried to dance before."

"Keiko-chan, he doesn't want to be here!" The brunette looked at her strangely. "Well, how do you expect me to teach someone who doesn't want to learn? That's what teaching is, you know. You can't force someone to learn. A part of them, at least, has to want it."

"Don't mind him. He'll learn." Her voice hardened. "He'll learn if I have to beat him into it." Lifting an eyebrow at her gentle friend's words, she glanced back once more.

"I don't promise any miracles," she finally sighed. Keiko spontaneously squeezed her, hard.

"Arigatou, Hime-chan!" she squealed. Then she ran back to her friends to tell them the good news while Himeko Arashi sighed and rubbed her temples. It was definately going to be a _very_ long weekend.

* * *

**AN:** Chapter two already! I couldn't figure out what to do with the end of it, so I left it there. Read and Review!

1) oban means, roughly, bitchy hag


	3. Chapter 3

**AN:** For clarity's sake, I will refer to Kurama _as_ Kurama except when Himeko is speaking directly to him. Referring to him as two people off and on gets way too confusing, way too fast. And thanks to all my lovely reviewers. If I had known humor would get me lots of praise, I'd have tried it sooner!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, but I have kidnapped Yusuke and am holding him for a ransom of a Puu plushie!

* * *

"Proper Steps"

Taking a deep, calming breath, Hiei glared at the girl who knelt next to his feet, placing them in the proper position for what had to be the eightieth time in twenty minutes. It would not do to set her on fire, like he so dearly wanted to. Or to chop her into bitty bits...not that he could, since Kurama had practically ripped the katana from his hands as they left Reikai. And he couldn't yell at her, or she'd probably cry and then Keiko would come after him. Shuddering, he focused his attention on her and tried to actually listen to what she was saying.

Though he was a master fighter and a powerful demon, she was a dancer, and she knew what she was talking about. At least, that's what he kept telling himself.

Finally, she rocked back on her heels and stood gracefully, going over to the wall. Yusuke snickered behind one hand and grinned at Hiei, who merely glared death in his direction. Too bad looks couldn't kill...not that death seemed to affect the other Reikai Tantei.

Slowly, Himeko began to go through the beginning movements with them all. She did it slowly so they could watch and copy her, but she almost groaned aloud when both Kuwabara and Botan tripped on each other's feet and went sprawling, the former into Kurama, who was actually doing rather decently, and the latter into Hiei, who had managed to make his feet do what they were supposed to.

"I'm sorry!" Botan squealed. "I'm sorry! It wasn't my fault!"

"Hey, are you saying it was my fault?" Kuwabara demanded heatedly, still sprawled on the floor on top of Kurama.

"That seems to be obvious, baka," Hiei sneered.

"Watch it, shorty!" Kuwabara bellowed, scrambling to his feet and offering a hand up to the somewhat squished Kurama.

Sighing, Himeko jumped into it, helping Botan straighten herself out and watching Hiei replace his feet under him. The grim reaper smiled and bounced back to her place in line. Kuwabara looked at her, confused, and shrugged.

"Are we starting at the beginning?"

"Yes," she smiled, managing, barely, to keep from grimacing. "Just put your feet in the starting position...though you may want to spread out a bit to avoid a recurrence of that...most graceful fall." Even Kuwabara knew she was teasing, so after a laugh, they went back to practicing. The entire group made it through the warm-up without any more mishaps, so Himeko, glancing at the clock, declared them ready to split up into partners and learning how to dance in pairs. Immediately, everyone rushed to pick their own pairs, adding a moment of levity to the situation when, finished dividing themselves, the pairs were extremely messed up. "I'm afraid I'll have to fix this a bit," she said, slightly apologetic. "Yusuke and Keiko is all right; so are you two," she added, indicating Kurama and Shizuru. "But...since none of you know exactly _how_ to dance...um, Kazuma-san, I'm going to pair you with Botan, and ask Yukina to dance with Hiei. The height differences are too great, if you expect to learn fast. You can complicate things for yourself later with height differences." Looking ready to protest, Kuwabara shut up when Keiko kicked his shin and glared.

Botan and Yukina switched places and Himeko nodded thoughtfully. "Do any of you know how to waltz?"

Choking on air, Yusuke coughed loudly. "Waltz? Like...ballroom dancing?"

"Exactly like," she replied. "That is another name for it."

"I know a little," Kurama spoke up. Shizuru shrugged, shaking her head.

"All right...um..." She wrinkled her forehead and looked at them all in general. "Okay. First, face your partners. Good. Ladies, place your right hand on your partner's shoulder." She waited until they had complied. "Guys, your left hand will go on your partner's waist. Okay, now, clasp you free hands out to the side." They looked more or less like accomplished dancers right then, for a split second. Then Himeko snickered. "Kazuma-san, Botan-san, the point is to dance as a pair. I'm sorry I had to reshift you, but you won't dance well at arms' length." Everyone looked at the pair, who now looked like they were trying to dance with an invisible hoola hoop between them.

Flushing, they stepped closer to each other. "All right. The waltz is a simple enough dance. We're going to use a basic box step with none of the usual flourishes. Okay? Watch me, and the placement of my feet. I'm going to do the placement for guys first. Here, forward with your right foot, close it with the left, to the right, close it, back right, close left. Step left, close right. Only the last step is led with the left foot, all right?" The boys nodded vaguely. "Girls, yours is different. Back left, close right. Step left, close right, Step forward left, close right, step right, close left. Think you've got it?" Tentative nods were her answer. "Ready to try it together?"

She clapped her hands in the general beat and started counting for them, "Step, close, step, close, step, close..." It took ten seconds for her dancers to make one wrong step, and chaos erupted as Kuwabara and Botan tripped for the second time, Yusuke stomped on Keiko's foot, and Hiei's steps were just a trifle bigger than the pretty koorime's, and he ended up dragging her around. Only Shizuru and Kurama had managed to make a full square.

"Okay...maybe we should try this a little slower," she giggled, trying hard to stop. Hiei shot her a death glare that, miraculously, missed her completely.

"Maybe this is a waste of time!" he growled.

Completely unfazed, she lifted one eyebrow and motioned to the door. "You know where the door is, then, Hiei-san. If I'm wasting your time, I apologize and respectfully request you leave my studio so I can avoid wasting the time of the others." Everyone stared at the two of them, locked in a glaring contest.

It was Yukina who solved the problem. She placed a gentle hand on the fire apparition's arm. "Won't you stay, Hiei-sama?" she asked. "I'm having so much fun, and if you leave, I won't have a partner." Red eyes met red, and Hiei sighed, nodding. He crossed his arms over his chest and silently dared any of them to comment on how easily Yukina had stopped the argument cold.

No one rose to the challenge. "So, if we could get back to the waltz," Himeko said, eyeing the pair thoughtfully.

* * *

**AN:** Apologies to any waltz enthusiasts. I was using my brother as a model, and he hasn't got a clue...so! Hope you liked it! You know what to do next! I'll say...two reviews per chapter should do for now...though I'd like more...(hinthint) 


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